The Breakdown

Hey.. Hello.. This may be the only way I can tell you how I feel right now..

There has been a complete silence. My world is too quiet. All my colors are now turned to grey..

It's 11:10 PM. The same time when we were sitting next to each other by the beach. Crying, laughing, with you trying to figure out how to help me. I was crying because I did not know how things would go if i tell you the truth. But you helped me out.. you gave me the light.. you were the one I've been waiting for all my life.. why did you have to go.. :(

I'm so pained. I just can't handle the pain anymore. You were my bestfriend, the only person I have loved this much. I'm so much torn.. :(

I am missing you badly. All the memories we've shared.. how can I forget them? If only I could turn back time and sit right next to you again, hold your hand and be happy.. If only.. :(

For days, I've been fighting.. For days, I've been trying to be strong.. For you, for myself. For days, I wanted to quit.. For days, I wanted this to be over.. But I just can't there's just so many to take in.. there's just so many to forget. Why can this be so hard. :(

I know I was wrong. For countless times I have been wrong. But why did you have to go.. :( I know I have caused you too much pain, and this pain that I'm feeling might not even equal to the pain I gave you for months. I'm so sorry.. :(

All the memories are haunting me right now. I wish I could talk to you. I wish I could tell you how I am. I wish I could be there when you're feeling sad. I wish I could be there, just be there. And tell you, "Here I am. I will never go." But you already left, there is no reason for me not to let go.

Up until now, I'm still wishing that you'd talk to me. I'm still wishing that I'd pass through your head. But I think that's impossible now. You're now a memory. We're now a memory. :(

I'm so much broken. So broken. :(

But I will fight. Because you said you want me to be happy. You said you want me to be happier. And so I'll fight. Knowing, also, that you are much happier now. Wherever you may be, I know you are so much happy. :(

I looked at the moon a while ago, and.. I saw you. :( That was the same moon we were looking at that moment when all these have started. And I don't know how and when will all these memories fade..

I have no other way to talk to you anymore. I guess I'll just be here, loving you quietly. Just like before. I know things will never work out ever again. It just hurts so much. :(

I will forever keep the songs we usually sing to one another. I will forever cherish how much you loved me. I will forever treasure every sweet words we told to one another. You will always be a part of me. Always.

"When you wake up each morning, and you feel like calling, I'll be there for you.
When the road seems uncertain, and you can't stop the hurtin, I'll be there for you
When there's no one beside you, I'll be there to guide you
Catch you each time you fall.. When the stars don't shine anymore. I'll be there."

This hurts so much. That thought and feeling that we can never talk to one another again. We were so close. What happened. :(

We used to do everything together. We used to say that we can do everything when we're together. We used to say that no matter how hard challenges that will be on our way, we'll face it together. But now I am the only one left. Where are you. :(

How are you? Have you already eaten? Did you enjoy your day? Were you safe the whole day? How are you feeling? What are the thoughts running in your head right now?

These are the questions I've been longing to ask you. It just hurts how everything can change in just a day. I will forever miss you. :(

But there's no use for regrets. I just have to bear this and be strong. 

This time months ago, we were still sitting right next to one another, looking at the moon, feeling the breeze and listening to the sound of the waters infront of us. I miss you. :(

I just finished talking to you. :) Talking to your picture. :) Seems crazy.. but I just missed talking to you..

Well yep. That's what matters most this time.. that you're okay, and that you're happy. :)

I love you.. Always remember that. :)